What a unique place we live in. Where EVERYONE knows your name and your business,where there is always a door to knock on if you need someone to talk to, where you may rarely find a moments peace. Where sometimes you can be in the midst of friends but feel as if you are amoung strangers. Why is that?
I'm not sure what I really want to say here. My brain is turning. I've typed out four different things and erased all of them, because they don't make sense when I actually write them out. There is this feeling of "uncomfortable" sometimes for me here. Here meaning YWAM. Like I don't belong, or why am I here. Sometimes it's even (in my twisted mind) why is SHE here, from others. I know it's rediculous- but them I keep saying to myself. Is it really rediculous? I still find myself being swayed and wanting to impress others. Like I don't know who I am. But- sometimes I feel more sure of myself now then I ever have. I'm not making sense. I think I am still acting out what Phil 2 says...working out your salvation with fear and trembling. It may not be my "salvation" but my character and my beliefs. I feel like I have learned SOO much about who God is and who I am in Christ since I have been in YWAM, and I'm not sure if I ever REALLY processed it all. I went from one thing to the next since coming here. I've never left. So sometimes I feel a bit confused when it comes to some things. (now I feel like I've gone off on a tangent) so ANYWAY- welcome to my brain. It's confusing, but then again- that's pretty much right on.
I'm not sure what I really want to say here. My brain is turning. I've typed out four different things and erased all of them, because they don't make sense when I actually write them out. There is this feeling of "uncomfortable" sometimes for me here. Here meaning YWAM. Like I don't belong, or why am I here. Sometimes it's even (in my twisted mind) why is SHE here, from others. I know it's rediculous- but them I keep saying to myself. Is it really rediculous? I still find myself being swayed and wanting to impress others. Like I don't know who I am. But- sometimes I feel more sure of myself now then I ever have. I'm not making sense. I think I am still acting out what Phil 2 says...working out your salvation with fear and trembling. It may not be my "salvation" but my character and my beliefs. I feel like I have learned SOO much about who God is and who I am in Christ since I have been in YWAM, and I'm not sure if I ever REALLY processed it all. I went from one thing to the next since coming here. I've never left. So sometimes I feel a bit confused when it comes to some things. (now I feel like I've gone off on a tangent) so ANYWAY- welcome to my brain. It's confusing, but then again- that's pretty much right on.
posted by Evan and Allison at 6:36 PM
2 Comments:
Allison, I'm glad you're here. AND I'm glad that other people blog there unfinished, random thoughts online. =) It's "fun" to process here. Anyway. I love you. I'm glad that we're becoming friends. You can come knock on my door any time, 'cause I always feel comfortable knocking on yours! =)
I can so relate! We need to get coffee again. I don't wonder why you are in YWAM, I thank God you are here and that we get to be friends. You're doing a really good job staffing SOMD.
Love, April
Post a Comment
<< Home