So today Evan and I got some awful news about some friends of ours. I hate this because it makes me question God's Soveignty I start thinking in my own mind what I think is fair and right, and I take away from who God is. Our Missions pastor in Kansas and his wife were finally pregnant with twins after 10 years of trying, and doctors... the babies were due mid-July and they born premature today. One is 1.14lbs and the other is 2.21lbs. I just broke down tonight. I mean I can not imagine a 1 pound baby. It just tears me up. And our friends... I just don't even know what to think or say. I want to do something, but I can't. All I can do is give Jack and Ethan to God. (thier names) So if you got a sec- please send up a prayer for David, Heather, Jack and Ethan. Thanks. I know God is still God, but I wish I could understand.

What a unique place we live in. Where EVERYONE knows your name and your business,where there is always a door to knock on if you need someone to talk to, where you may rarely find a moments peace. Where sometimes you can be in the midst of friends but feel as if you are amoung strangers. Why is that?
I'm not sure what I really want to say here. My brain is turning. I've typed out four different things and erased all of them, because they don't make sense when I actually write them out. There is this feeling of "uncomfortable" sometimes for me here. Here meaning YWAM. Like I don't belong, or why am I here. Sometimes it's even (in my twisted mind) why is SHE here, from others. I know it's rediculous- but them I keep saying to myself. Is it really rediculous? I still find myself being swayed and wanting to impress others. Like I don't know who I am. But- sometimes I feel more sure of myself now then I ever have. I'm not making sense. I think I am still acting out what Phil 2 says...working out your salvation with fear and trembling. It may not be my "salvation" but my character and my beliefs. I feel like I have learned SOO much about who God is and who I am in Christ since I have been in YWAM, and I'm not sure if I ever REALLY processed it all. I went from one thing to the next since coming here. I've never left. So sometimes I feel a bit confused when it comes to some things. (now I feel like I've gone off on a tangent) so ANYWAY- welcome to my brain. It's confusing, but then again- that's pretty much right on.

I can't believe it is only Thursday evening! What a week. I feel like I was in "crisis mode" all week. Taking care of whatever wasn't done or whatever I FORGOT. Yesterday I go to get my mail and there is this hand made card in the shape of a cross with one of those little cards with a scripture on it (like a daily verse). It read..."My help cometh from the Lord" Psalm 121:2 SO someone else thinks I'm stressed out too! And then today, I took my friend Andrea to get her driving portion done for drivers licence, and that was drama too. We used my car, but one of the bulbs for my back brakes was out. So she couldn't take it until I fixed it, which we did and then went back at noon, but the line was too long, so we came back at 3. SHE PASSED and is now I licenced California driver so that is great, but in the mean time I was missing appointments I had... ugh. I am so glad tomarrow is friday! Temecula here I come!

1 down 4 to go.
So my friend Brooke had her baby. She is 1st of 5 that will be born here on the YWAM base. It's kind of a crazy baby boom here. Brooke was actually due in 3 weeks, but her water broke early friday morning at 3 and ADRIAN COLE was born around 6 onnly 3 hours later. It was crazy. He is so precious. I don't have a picture yet, but there is one of me holding him, so when I get it I'll post it.

5 years
So today is the fifth anniversary of the day my mom gave my brother a kidney. I'm not sure why I am blogging it, but I guess it has just made me think. Looking back on that day and the whole 3 months of prep and recovery is really strange. It seems like a life time ago.
But at the same time it doesn't. I learned a lot during that time. Not only about what I am capable of, but also how much God really can work through you and FOR you. I could not have done it without Him. The whole experience gave me such a new perspective on life and how temporary it is. It also made God sooo real to me, I can't even tell you. It was a time where I really had noone else to lean on but God. BUT, I would not trade the things that I learned in those months for anything in the entire world. It's like that Ginny Owens song "If you want me to". I listened to this song soo much 5 years ago. Here are the lyrics if you don't know them. AMAZING!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~**

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordon,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to


Thanks for reading

So here you go... just as i promised- the picture of Evan in the midst of his misery. The picture is a little washed out, his face was really red too. It looked like he had a sunburn. I feel somewhat bad for taking this picture (not really) but maybe a little for blogging it. I know I'll get mine if this should ever happen to me. I'm sure Evan will be SO kind and remind me of this very day, when I blogged his pain. Yeah, I'll have to bite my tongue. I'm not really sure what else to say other then haha. he looks so sad- it's funny. But I'm not the only one who thought of taking his picture during this- a few others mentioned it too me too. So anyway- enough said.. Enjoy!!

yes- for those of you who are wondering, I am planning to blog about my beloved husbands poison oak episode. there is a picture waiting to be downloaded, but the cord for the camera is down in the office and yes I am too lazy to walk down there and get it, so I promise tomarrow- it will be done! hee hee am i an aweful wife?? :)